disappointed

Ok so my dr appt went ok today...The eggs are growing a little more but are only at 13.5 mm and they have to be 20 to fertilize. I know I should be happy about the growth...they were not even getting to 10 with the other but to be honest I am disappointed. I was really hoping this would work. I am trying to be patient but every month that goes by gets scarier and scarier...If my eggs don't grow how are we supposed to have a baby? I was told 2 years ago it might not happen but really I didn't believe my doctor, I had a feeling we would need a little help but this is getting to the scary zone. I shouldn't be complaining because I know that others have been through more procedures and have waited longer...prob is I am on a deadline and it is fast approaching. If my 1st dr was right 30 is when I should have a historectomy. I am about to be 27 in July...doesn't leave a lot of time for any other children we want to have.

I hate complaining...it is just not me but the whole reason for making this site is to put all of my feelings out there. It sounds silly but one "job" a woman has is to have babies and my body is not cooperating at all. So I feel kinda like a failure. Jacob is amazing and I know he definitely doesn't feel that way. He has been great through this process. I am scared we waited too long and now it is too late...a little premature thinking I know. I just see all of these parents who have 6-7 kids just to get a bigger check from the government. I think that is one of the hardest parts. Not everyone of course, but as a teacher I have seen this quite a few times. Then I see other kids who come in and they aren't being fed or given proper clothing and it is so unfair! Why are these people given children when we so far have not? Why do I feel like God is saying that this is month is not the right time when thousands of teenage girls are having kids at thier age? Ugh I hate feeling this way...But I will drown in these "what ifs" if I do not get them all out.

Ok so to be more positive we are going to continue the Gonal F shots and since I only have 2 left I will take 2 tomorrow and hope that my pump and more medicine will be in. The Freedom Fertility pharmacy was amazingly fast last time. And hopefully my attitude will have changed the next time I write something! =)