Some background info for ya!

Ok I have never actually written one of these but know I need to get my feelings and experiences out there. My husband and I have gone through a lot so far in our marriage. One of the main things we are currently presented with is fertility problems. I was diagnosed with endometriosis (where the uterus sheds a lining on the insde and outside) so when I ever have a period I am also "bleeding" inside of me. This causes a lot of scar tissue which in turn can cause fertility problems. I had a laproscope done in December 2008 where they cleaned out all the endometriosis. For a year and a half after that I was put on birth control non-stop so that I would not have a period which would help with the endometriosis. We were told that our best chance to conceive was as soon as he got home from his deployment. We really were not ready and wanted to wait until we were completely ready to start our family. I did not want to be rushed into making that big of a decision.

We finally decided to start our family in July 2010. I was off the pill until I went to see my dr in late October. He told me that I needed to get the process moving so that I would not continue to have problems with the endometriosis. He put me on Clomid that month and monitored me closely. Unfortunately it did not work in November or December. The Clomid just was not working with my body so he decided to add Femara to the Clomid. This is where we are right now. The Femara is CRAZY! I felt like I was going insane and I know my husband was ready for those 5 days to be over almost as ready as I was. I just kept calling my mom complaining on how crazy I felt. How could a person feel that many emotions all at once?? I have heard pregnancy is the same if not worse but at least with that you can be happy. This is more depressing to be honest...There might not be a "happy ending" with taking this med that messes with your every emotion.

So that is my story in a nutshell. It seems that everyone around me gets pregnant so easily! Right now I have 4 people that are close friends or family that are expecting. I am thrilled for them! I really and truly am, but that doesn't stop the hole that is building in my heart. When I first heard about the endometriosis and what it could do to us when starting a family I had a huge fear. I mean, that is kind of a wife's "job." I am supposed to be able to have a baby when we want but the fear is becoming reality. People keep telling me "it will happen when it is time." Well I was told 30 was my time limit by my 1st dr and I am 26. We want more than 1 child and I am scared that that time will not come....

I am trusting and praying that everything will happen and I really believe that God has a plan for us. Iwould not be able to go through this without Him. I just have to stop worrying and keep giving our "plan" up to God so that His plan can happen. The only problem is this has to happen about 10 times a day! =)

I have my dr appt tomorrow hopefully. So I will have more news tomorrow! Wow that was a lot, but this does help and I hope that if someone reads this and is going through something similar it will help them as well!